August 2006, Message of the Month
I thought this to be a perfect time to write about change and our ability to accept it or our struggle with it.
In class when we are working on letting go of a relationship or a marriage there is always a struggle in letting go. I dedicated an entire chapter to this subject in my book, What Would Love Do Now? Most often, we become so attached to our relationships that it becomes unbearably painful to let them go. Thus, the grieving process begins and the pain can last much longer than it needs to due to our attachment. In fact, the pain is caused by this attachment.
Women realize that when they are ending a long term or short term relationship that the true attachment is often not to the man in their lives but the image of what they thought they would create with this person in the beginning. We have amazing imaginations and we create powerful images of what our life with someone is going to look like, feel like, and even sound like at times. We are that powerful!!
Doing this work of realization we soon find that the real attachment is to that image and not the actual feelings toward the mate in the marriage. That is not to say that the love was not in existence or that it is not present now. However, deep pain and disappointment comes from not having lived what we had hoped for in the beginning. Then comes the time to realize why we choose this mate and co-created in the way that we did. That is when the true healing and transformation begins. We are free when we take responsibility for our part of our relationships. We stop pointing fingers at our partners and start owning with awareness who we were/are. It is a great distraction to continually look at our partners and list what was always wrong with them. But if we choose that we never really get to concentrate that much needed energy on ourselves and our own consciousness. Awareness is the first step to change.
As long as we look at our partners and say that is exactly what I donít want! I guarantee you will attract that energy right back into your life. Become aware of you and give yourself the gift of your time and energy to make changes in your life where they are needed and embrace what is there that serves you and those around you.
Set your intentions! Who are you and What do you want? Make your list and write it out! It must be in present tense and positive as if it is already here now. Act as though it is here now and you have received all you desire. Then give gratitude for all your blessings.
Be here now