May 2005, Message of the Month
Happy June 2005!
The last meeting I facilitated was centered around the feeling of overwhelm that can exist for single parents.
There are tremendous responsibilities when we are parents and the weight of those responsibilities becomes seemingly larger when we face them alone. There are concerns for finances, health and well being, discipline, education, social issues as well as developing and sustaining good relationships with our children. When we begin to jump mentally from one of these issues to another, we are overcome with the enormity of it all.
The one common denominator when feeling this overload is a definite lack of self care. When we do not take the time to invest in our own well being we are less able to deal with the lives we have created for ourselves. Taking care of ourselves is like putting money aside in the bank. When we have reserves everything runs more smoothly. There is more of a sense of calm and ability to choose action instead of living in re-action.
I know that for myself, I have much more ability to manage my life with positive energy when I am less tense and worried. My health, relationships, work, and my life in general, all flow much more smoothly when I take the time to take care of myself. I recently learned a mode of meditation that was quite different for me. (my practice of meditation is much more of a novice than a master) I began reading Wayne Dyerís book, The Power of Intention (which I highly recommend) and he spoke of Japa meditation. I became intrigued and bought his book, Getting in the Gap. It has a CD with a guided meditation and more in depth explanation of this kind of meditation. I began to practice 10 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night. It made an amazing difference in my life. I could reach the place of complete calm as I had after a two-hour yoga class by doing this kind of meditation for 20 minutes. After the session I am relaxed, at peace and centered to deal with my day or to have a wonderful nightís sleep.
Ask yourself if you can commit to 10-20 minutes a day just for yourself for self-care time. If you knew your whole day would change for the better, what would stop you from doing this for yourself? It doesnít have to be this way of spending time, your choice could be sitting outside in nature, lying prone but awake to have rest. It could be anything you choose that refuels your soul, but there needs to be something to restore us in our lives. This models healthy habits for our children as well.
Reaching out to others who are or have experienced the rupture of divorce can be helpful as well. (as long as we donít make this into a negative session but one of solutions and sharing) The group classes I lead every month never cease to amaze me. The people reach out to unconditionally support one another constantly. They offer, love, acceptance, compassion, words of wisdom and a sense of belonging. I watch them using tools from class and I am humbled by their ability to love and dedicate themselves to their children. Realizing we are never alone, helps to dissolve the sense of isolation that we create in our lives. The isolation does nothing but make challenges larger and our ability to deal with them smaller. Coming together to support each other in a positive way changes our whole demeanor. Our thoughts change and therefore, our lives change. We can do this work together.
Two-home families do not have to be negative! We can be whatever we choose to be. It is within our power to choose. Reach out to those around you when you need help and support. Join a group that is leading some where positive. Commit to giving yourself time just for you. No one will love you better than you love yourself. Start now by taking wonderful care of yourself. There is no other moment but right here and now.