November 2004, Message of the Month
We can create happy holidays for our families even when we live in two
This can be one of the most challenging moments for everyone in a
family. The children are usually well if their parents are well. The
challenge for parents is letting go.
The first holiday I spent without my children was a Thanksgiving four
years ago. I was very attached to creating a tradition with my children and
had been practicing that tradition during my marriage as well. I was
attached to an image of what this holiday would look and feel like. When my
parenting partner, Jav, asked if he could take the children to spend
Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's (now his wife) parents in San
Francisco, I said 'no'. I was taken aback and quite reactionary to the whole
situation. I felt righteous in my response because my partner was from
another country and I told myself this wasn't really his holiday. I
consoled myself with the thought that Ingrid's (Jav's girlfriend)
were not really family. I was very creative in my reasoning. I
realized after all of this that I was afraid to be without my children
the holidays. What would I face if there was just me? I was afraid of
feelings that would arise being on my own without the children as my
The next year was my year to endeavor this moment in my life.
I said 'yes' to my partners, who were then married, and away they went.
That first time did feel lonely, but I realize now it was because of my
thoughts at the time. I was still attached to form. I still thought
Thanksgiving as a moment only to be shared with my children and my
and now it had changed. But, I hadn't changed with it. As long as I
onto the past I couldn't go forward. I was stuck.
That year I did celebrate with my sister and her fiance in a different
We went to dinner and then to a play. It was a wonderful performance
Vagina Monologues and we laughed and cried! We experienced it all that
night. The rest of the weekend was a mix of work and time for myself.
I had to grow into this experience. I had to begin to let go and to
new moment and a new vision. Since that time we have had holidays
my partners, myself, the kids and extended family members as well as
holidays a part. I have chosen to make those moments positive. It is
always a choice.
This year our children will be with their dad, Ingrid and Kique (their
year old son) in San Francisco. I have decided that I will do
have always wantd to do which is to volunteer to help feed others. I
really excited about the holiday because I have chosen to embrace the
(whatever that is) the day unfolds. I have chosen to be of service. I
setting my children free to have a wonderful time with their dad, with
knowledge that I will be well.
Try letting go with peace. See what happens when you wish yourself and
everyone else in your family well in the moment of the holiday. Change
perception from less to abundance and watch your moment unfold in
rather than sadness or anger. Claim your moment, make it yours.
vision for yourself of what gift you will give yourself and those
Enjoy every moment of your holiday by choice!