December 2003, Message of the Month
Happy New Year!
As the New Year begins, we are all looking a new at ourselves and our lives.
We evaluate the things we wish to keep and the things we wish to change.
Thus, it is a perfect time to reevaluate where we are in our families.
I wanted to address the most frequently posed question regarding What Would
Love Do Now? - - - "Do we have to spend time together like you and your
parenting partners?" The answer is "no." I ask you to get in touch with who
you are and what you want. There are a number of families who cannot be
together for family time and shared experiences because there is either
unhealthy communication or actual danger. These kinds of elements are not
healthy for parents or children.
I ask people to look at themselves and ask the questions that need to be
asked. Why did we attract that partner who co-created with us in that way?
Who were we when we started that relationship? Who are we now? What are our
needs? What do we want? Without this partner coming into our lives we would
not be at the crossroads of opportunity where we now find ourselves. It is a
gift and the release comes from letting this partner go, making boundaries
and endeavoring the understanding for why you created this relationship in
If it is clear that a close connection with your partner is not healthy for
yourself or your children, please respect that. But don't let it stop you
from understanding your part in the relationship so that you can heal and
create differently from here forth. It is okay, in fact quite healthy to
make boundaries between yourself and a partner who is hurting you or not
respecting your being. You must give yourself this gift. Please don't feel
you need to give your children family time altogether if you are being hurt
in that process. Our children never gain from our sacrificing ourselves for
them. The best gift we can give our children is an example of how to take
care of ourselves. We must love and respect ourselves enough to take good
care of ourselves. Again, no one will love you more than you love yourself.
The way you treat yourself is your way of declaring your worth to the
universe. How do you show love for yourself?
Try this exercise for a week. Everyday this week, appoint 30 minutes
dedicated to yourself to do something you love. Gradually increase the time
to 1 hour for yourself each day. Even if you must get up earlier, find the
time to fit this in for yourself.
Another wonderful exercise is to write down 5 things you love about yourself
everyday for 15 days. You can write anything at all but build that list