December 2003, Message of the Month

Open Heart - Artwork by Kelly Winter Happy New Year!

As the New Year begins, we are all looking a new at ourselves and our lives. We evaluate the things we wish to keep and the things we wish to change. Thus, it is a perfect time to reevaluate where we are in our families.

I wanted to address the most frequently posed question regarding What Would Love Do Now? - - - "Do we have to spend time together like you and your parenting partners?" The answer is "no." I ask you to get in touch with who you are and what you want. There are a number of families who cannot be together for family time and shared experiences because there is either unhealthy communication or actual danger. These kinds of elements are not healthy for parents or children.

I ask people to look at themselves and ask the questions that need to be asked. Why did we attract that partner who co-created with us in that way? Who were we when we started that relationship? Who are we now? What are our needs? What do we want? Without this partner coming into our lives we would not be at the crossroads of opportunity where we now find ourselves. It is a gift and the release comes from letting this partner go, making boundaries and endeavoring the understanding for why you created this relationship in your life.

If it is clear that a close connection with your partner is not healthy for yourself or your children, please respect that. But don't let it stop you from understanding your part in the relationship so that you can heal and create differently from here forth. It is okay, in fact quite healthy to make boundaries between yourself and a partner who is hurting you or not respecting your being. You must give yourself this gift. Please don't feel you need to give your children family time altogether if you are being hurt in that process. Our children never gain from our sacrificing ourselves for them. The best gift we can give our children is an example of how to take care of ourselves. We must love and respect ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves. Again, no one will love you more than you love yourself. The way you treat yourself is your way of declaring your worth to the universe. How do you show love for yourself?

Try this exercise for a week. Everyday this week, appoint 30 minutes dedicated to yourself to do something you love. Gradually increase the time to 1 hour for yourself each day. Even if you must get up earlier, find the time to fit this in for yourself.

Another wonderful exercise is to write down 5 things you love about yourself everyday for 15 days. You can write anything at all but build that list everyday.